Sometimes Surviving Is Enough: Setting the Bar at “Don’t Make It Worse”
The Myth That You Always Have to Be Getting Better
When you're going through a hard time, there’s often an unspoken pressure to still be doing well. To cope “healthily.” To make good choices. To keep showing up with a positive attitude, even when everything feels like too much.
But there are moments when even basic functioning feels out of reach. And trying to push yourself into a place of thriving can actually make things worse.
Sometimes, the most compassionate thing you can do is to shift the goal entirely.
Instead of trying to “get better,” what if the bar is just: don’t make it worse.
Why This Reframe Can Be So Powerful
Setting the bar at “don’t make it worse” isn’t about giving up. It’s about recognizing what’s actually sustainable when your nervous system is overloaded or you’re hanging on by a thread.
Let’s interrupt the shame spiral. When you stop expecting yourself to perform at 100%, you give yourself permission to just be where you are.
Protect your future self. Even small choices to not escalate or self-sabotage can preserve your stability long enough to get through the moment.
Let’s acknowledge the reality of the moment. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine. You’re allowed to set goals that are actually achievable given your current capacity.
And, choosing not to act impulsively, even once, helps reinforce that you can be steady even when things are hard.
What “Don’t Make It Worse” Can Actually Look Like
This bar is lower than what our culture celebrates. That’s part of the point. Here are a few examples:
Emotionally
Not picking a fight even though you’re flooded
Not trying to figure out your whole life at midnight
Not spiraling into self-blame or catastrophizing if it’s possible to pull yourself back from the edge
Behaviorally
Not texting someone who hurt you
Not skipping meds or doubling your dose impulsively
Not using substances or behaviors you know will crash your system later
Practically
Eating a granola bar instead of skipping food
Canceling a plan instead of forcing yourself through it and crashing
Putting your phone in another room instead of doomscrolling till 2am
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about not escalating. That’s it. And that’s enough.
When This Framework Makes Sense
You might be in a “don’t make it worse” place if:
You feel overwhelmed, numb, shut down, or constantly on edge
The idea of being productive or doing self-care feels totally inaccessible
Trying harder feels like it would backfire or deplete you even more
In these moments, it’s okay to let stability be the win. Trying to push through might only deepen the spiral.
A Few Grounding Reminders
When you’re in it, here are some phrases that might help anchor you:
“My only job right now is to not make it worse.”
“I’m doing enough by not self-destructing.”
“Surviving this moment is still surviving.”
“I’ll figure out the next step once I’m steadier.”
These are not excuses. They’re boundaries. They protect your energy, your nervous system, and your ability to recover.
What Happens After
Eventually, things shift. Not every season is a crisis. But when you’re in one, your goals need to match your capacity.
This isn’t where you’ll stay. Once there’s more breathing room, you can start thinking about repair, growth, and reconnection.
But surviving without escalation? That’s the foundation for all of it.
Need help holding the line during a tough season?
Schedule a consultation call if you’d like to talk more.